can't spill the wine and then erase the stain

what is moving on truly? 

is it walking forward and distancing yourself physically? 

is it pulling away emotionally and putting that distance there in that regard?

is it changing your environment, your feelings, your personality, and your energy? 

honestly, i don't know. 

 

but what i do know is that we romanticize moving on. so so much. 

 

i think we always dream of a clean break- a divide that is amicably done. losing a spouse, losing a friend, losing your "almost"s, losing a job, losing yourself to find someone else. 

but sometimes we do shatter. like glass. we are only human after all. 

i recently wrote a song that was a goodbye for someone in my life, and some of the lyrics really shocked me. the song practically wrote itself. i think the most insightful line from that song for this circumstance is "now you're a fading stain left in my memory, a sweet red that got spilt, then like glass we shattered"  

there's consequences to everything we do. but when we grapple with them a lot of times there's tragedy. 

just like a scar, looking at a "stain" in your timeline can be hard. especially if at some point it was sweet and you might have been tipsy on potential. but when that glass gets tipped, it falls hard and shards go everywhere! and then you're left with remnants all over the place- all over you, your shoes, your table, your floor- and you just kind of gave to sit with it for a moment. you let the shock wash over you, and then you probably think something along the lines of "shit- how am i going to clean this up??" 

there might be injuries sustained. your jeans might BE stained. you might be looking at the mess thinking "how could something be so sweet t-minus 5 minutes ago and now it's something that i'm dreading cleaning up?"

because that's an honest truth. moving on is isolating. you have to do it alone. no matter how knocked over the glass, it's on you. 

And maybe you don't notice a cut or two until the next day. maybe the stain doesn't come out all the way in the wash. there might be shards that snuck their way under the doorway into different rooms that you never thought it would have traveled. but it's on you to pick up those pieces to prevent you from getting more hurt from an event that's already happened. 

i'm not trying to beat this metaphor to death, i promise! but it's good for us to see the action, behavior, and consequence of it all laid out plain and simple.  sometimes painful ends find us in every area of our lives whether we want it to or not. a lot of the time, you think you're over something until a shard finds its way back into your brain- in whatever regard it reveals itself. moving on is not easy. 

there have been so many times in my life that i have to mourn something four or five times with different perspectives. 

a lot of times i mourn things with logic first.

next it's usually my emotions. (usually the longest phase where i listen to taylor swift, sad country and olivia rodrigo on repeat) 

then i sob for the potential of where this connection could have gone. whether it was the long aisle down to the altar, fatal bridesmaid dreams, what my future family could have looked like at 25 if i'd just gotten my shit together 3 years ago, the places i could have visited old friends if friendly communication wasn't tainted with messy air signs, or just general pain and agony laced with regret. 

ugh, say la vie. 

sometimes i relapse back into the last stage and play it on a loop like it's my favorite song. similar to the end of la la land- sometimes i can see what could have been so clearly. i haven't gotten much closure in my life, so i always wonder what could have been on an astronomical level. i wouldn't say i'm obsessed with closure, but like every girl, i crave it ): 

but at the same time, sometimes the best closure isn't getting it. 

moving on is moving forward, in any direction that you're able to walk in. especially if you've just picked yourself off the ground

as i wrote in my song, "i've learned it's childish turning lost love and regrets into my reality... love her the way i always thought you'd love me. at this point that's the closure that i need"

if the universe never gave you a clear answer, that might just be the answer in itself. when you know you know, and i haven't known yet. but i have hope for me, just like i have hope for you. and most people. you doesn't have to be perfect at moving on, just move productively. the rest will follow. sometimes things have to get worse before they get better, and sunny days will follow. you have not ran out of sunny days just because something has come to an end and you are moving on from it! you're worth more than that. you deserve more than that, and never forget it.  

 moving on quickly is overrated and easier said than done. moving forward and having everything fall into place is so in.  

love you guys!!!

 

xoxo, 

    kara jade <3 

 

p.s. in retrospect i realized this post is sooo giving carrie bradshaw (i wrote it at the bar during an edm night HAHAHAHA what am i doing) anywho vibe on dawg love u